Don't look too hard, it's fairly simple..

You love differently than I do. You see it as a term, a noun, something to scratch into a plaque. I see it as an unconditional act, a verb in which I live my life. A word that explains why I never let go of friends, why I've been stepped on, but still get up and keep loving. Unconditional love is what bonds two people together as friends.

I will love you as a friend before I love you any other way. Once you understand that, you'll get that key you've been searching for. The love I hold within me for every single friend I have, is 500 times larger than you can ever imagine.

Gone..

There's a problem in loving things too much, the attachment becomes so emotional that you forget that the attachment isn't physical, it's mental. It's telling yourself that something means a certain amount of importance to you, personally.

I suffer from this attachment issue. What in god's name is keeping me attached to all these things? Why did I have issues with throwing out my brown-paper lunch bags as a kid? Well, because my mom had drawn cool pictures on it everyday.. and I felt it was rude to throw away cool art. Just like I don't throw away anything that at one time has meant something to me. If I throw it away, I feel as though I'm letting a piece of myself go.

I hate throwing away my memories, books, writings, papers, photos, clothes, lamps, friends.. I hate moving on.. I really dislike new things. New feels awkward to me, it's not worn in, and comfortable.

Hence.. my future dibocle.. loving things too much and never letting go. Should I change that part of me? What if I woke up tomorrow and left?

The value of life and trees..

To get a feel for just how small and insignificant we all are to the grand design.. type in your address over at Image Atlas and zoom in all the way to house level. See what car you were driving when the photo was taken, see what your yard looked like back then as well.

For me there was a rather large tree that was planted deep into the soil of our backyard. Sometimes now when I'm back home at my parent's house, I forget sometimes that the tree was actually there at one time. A couple years or so ago, we had to take down the tree because of illness.. not quite sure, but it had to go. This tree was more than a tree, it was the primary shade of our entire back yard and deck, it held strong as our first base for all the games of kickball, wiffleball, and what have you.. It was the easiest of our backyard trees to climb, and it would tower over our house so amazingly high. Its leaves would get stuck in our gutters each year, and cleaning them sucked so much.

But I liked that tree. Since then, sod has been placed over it, to repair the rut that remains of our old tree. My mom kept a piece of its trunk as a memento, which is cool because I think she understands, as well as everyone in our family, how much that tree meant to everyone.

I believe the backyard is better now without. I sincerely loved that tree, but our backyard breathes now, it appears to be wider and more spacious, and the view of mom's garden is spectacular from the deck.

The tree, much like everything that passes from our lives, meant something to certain people, that it didn't mean to anyone else. The tree, much like everyone that passes from our lives, was loved, and will be missed.

Sorry that was such a random memory, would you like to see the backyard with the tree missing? You probably can't tell that it's not there (because it's gone) but it stood about 10 feet away from the left corner of our deck. Check it out..