History Book

two kids are to columbine
what 19 hijackers are to america

people who feel bullied, will eventually get tired of being put down. they will fight back, and the fight will be thought out.
we've witnessed this in past historical events.

bring someone to their breaking point, and they break. they return whatever aggression was upon them, ten fold.

the middle eastern and american people don't deserve to be terrorized.. it's this government.. it's this administration.. it's the man that claims he's in control of it all.. they deserve the tables to be turned, just once.  the attack of 9/11 should not have been on the american people. we've done nothing, we aren't the ones sending orders to invade, attack, and occupy.  we are the innocent bystanders.

what did braveheart do when his land was being taken from him, he rallied an army and fought back.. what did the south do during the civil war? they didn't lay down and get stepped on, they fought back.. what are middle easterners doing while they're land is being occupied and mutilated?  they're fighting back.

the soldiers' intentions are good.. they believe we're in this to help the iraqi people.  but what they don't know is that they're fighting a personal battle between bush and his past aquaintances.  he's putting soldiers in harms way for his own cause.

Try it, you'll like it

Change is coming..

The amp that says hello

Remember what happened that night.
.. just leave it alone.

all of this rambling you've been doing is nothing but an attempt to someday get her back. you've gotta stop it. hide those things that are a reminder.. get it out of your sight. someone will thank you one day for that.

It would have been different

The day you moved into that apartment, I was so happy for you.. that you had gotten your own place, and that you were able to live away from home. You seemed happy as ever to be living there, and not knowing.. I managed to screw all that up. I became dependant on you as someone to be with, live with, and grow with. At that time, I wasn't very happy with myself, so I started pointing out the wrongs in everyone else's lives, including your's. I know I seemed controlling, I am man enough to admit that. That's who I was... Not who I am now. And I understand none of this helps, but I wanted to state my case, and say that yes.. I fucked up royaly. I'm remembering the argument we had after Modest Mouse in Chicago; mainly me being pissed off about something, resulting in bad vibes between the both of us. I can see why you left me, I was a cynical asshole, who wasn't happy at all with anything in his life, who wasn't going anywhere, and who bitched about everything he couldn't have, but always wanted.... and somehow never wanted to work to get those things. Yes, breaking up that relationship helped both of us get on track with our own lives, and someday.... ah.. fuck it.. forget someday. In the now, I am nothing but a memory to you.. perhaps you will soon become just a memory to me. Perhaps it's better that way.. who knows? OVER THE LINE !!! .... I'm sorry smokey you were over the line.. mark it a zero, dude.

Staying up late

What did I forget to do?
What about the time, what did it forget to do?
There seems to be a wallet, but no money,
there seems to be a mind, but no memory.
Look in both ways, past each stop sign to the ocean.
Past the land where being lost is the way of life.
And again I'd forgotten why I was there.
Fearful and afraid, frightened but yet tame.
There seems to be a clock, nailed in a fashion of time.
Perhaps a shadow of reminder, to let the hand pass.
To never say I didn't look back.
Wasn't that your shirt I wore, wasn't that your's?
Isn't this the heart you wore, isn't it your's?
Clouds forget their patterns, but never seem to mind.
The oceans shift in waves, exactly where I found you.
I'll wait for when the tide calls your way.
I'll be waiting, remembering your name.
Forgetting to remember all of those days that pass,
To never say I didn't look back.

This wallet is still empty,
and I seem to have forgotten everything but my memory.

Transcendentalism

[Passage from MSN Encarta] "More important, the transcendentalists were influenced by romanticism, especially such aspects as self-examination, the celebration of individualism, and the extolling of the beauties of nature and humankind. Consequently, transcendentalist writers expressed semireligious feelings toward nature, as well as the creative process, and saw a direct connection, or correspondence, between the universe and the individual soul."

Before today I had no clue what the word transcendentalism meant. I had heard it before, but it wasn't a word that I used or heard very often. So I kept reading and found this, "Fulfillment of human potential could be accomplished through mysticism or through an acute awareness of the beauty and truth of the surrounding natural world. This process was regarded as inherently individual, and all orthodox tradition was suspect."

I would have to say that this explains my thinking almost perfectly. Where in the hell has this been my whole life? Why haven't I read any of this before? Everything makes so much sense now.. It's not a faith built around churches, statues, money, or false hope.. it's a spiritual way of thinking, it's a way of life, it depends on the most important aspect of human existence... Nature. I feel better now. Have a great day everyone.

;-)

Everything's alright... just some growing pains, that's all. I swear I'm thankful for the people in my life.

Now off to a busy weekend of playing drums... this will be fun. see ya

Get out of my head

How in the world can I disassociate myself with the thought of ever getting her back? How can I crush this thought that keeps driving into my brain? I told her tonight how I felt, and now I feel even worse. She's gone, I should just get the hell over it. Anybody agree? Ever have to watch someone you love say goodbye? I fucking hate it.. She'll be my first true love as long as I live. I wish I could stop these thoughts, they're just making me upset. How come I want her back so much? I'm going to look back at all this in a few months, laugh it off, and then realize I was a complete moron. Catch you on the flipside.. as the saying goes.

Disconnected..

That's how I feel right now, disconnected. Today I learned a million things about myself, but I was humbled enough to keep it inside for once. A friend helped me understand where I'm at in life, and because of that I feel like the plug has finally been pulled out, and I can move on. I'll miss the light that lamp creates, but I guess I'll just see it from a different perspective. I've apologized enough, now it's ok for me to never feel sorry again.

Why the heck does anyone want to know all of this, Kevin? Why am I such a softy. Losing a friend mentally or physically can put a lot of stress on your heart, and I suppose all I really care about is the well being of my mind, instead of my physical body. Too many people are fixated on their outsides, but what really runs the car, is what's under the hood.

And to wrap this whole disconnection theme, I want to draw an analogy. Our bodies are made up of two parts.. the designer and the builder. The two are seperate, they both have their own agendas, and each one has its own seperate needs. If we focus too much on the design (the who's, how's, when's, where's) then we lose focus on the task at hand, and we say we're going to do things, but we don't. If we focus too much on the building (the doing, the creating, the accomplishing) then we tend to want to do too much at one time, and nothing ever gets organized.

I started looking into the future way too much, and I only made goals that pertained to the far off future. I thought that I would end up in certain situations, and I expected everything to already be there.. all neat and tucked away. But as I've been proven today, that isn't the case, and I need to disconnect myself with this little fairy tale life I sometimes dream about. A part of it contains a girl I will never be with again. I have to disconnect from it all. Which I think I've finally realized with happiness. In a sense I have a renewed respect for a lot of things, people in my life particularly, but mostly events that I cannot control, nor should I ever attempt to control them. I'm better now, thank you.