Really into music lately

So I went from basically hating music, cycling through old playlists.. but then I found the nearby library. I'm checking out weird shit like mozart, next to local bands, next to indie-rock, and it's just weird, but it feels good to finally be into music again.

I can't seem to get Guided By Voices - Do the Collapse out of my head, out of my cd player, out of my life.. It's a tremendous album. I've also gotten into the Trainspotting soundtrack while I'm at work. There are some damn good songs on that cd. What else, let's see. I've been creating a lot of work on my four track, and I'm in the process of making a "go to bed" tape. Songs I think will eventually help me fall asleep, and if that tape can help me fall asleep, then I think I have something going, and I can sell it.. for the cheap of course. Lately I've been wanting to start my fourth doublethink, but I just have way too much shit going on.

I've been putting off projects, and I've been real empty for some reason for the past month or so. I'll have these bursts of creativity, then they just vanish in midswing. Attention Defecit Disorders are just barking my name. There is just way too much in this world calling my name right now, and I feel like I have to answer to all these opportunities, right now.. so my ship doesn't end up sailing away without me on it. The fear of being left behind.. whoa, that came out of left field. Ask yourself if you have the same fear.. it's quite sobering to realize it.

I've also noticed that I bitch a lot, I'm making that a personal goal this week, to not bitch and whine so much. You could say I've been in a bad mood. My friend, the almighty computer.. You let me spooge my words to you, and you pleasantly sit their with your beautifully colored monitor, just smiling at me. I guess to some people a journal looks like that, or an open book, or another person. I feed my power through my fingers, through my pen, and I let my mouth drown those things out sometime. So I'm just realizing this is all pretty clear. I just need to move on, and let this weird ass current I'm riding on, just take me where it will. I'm done trying to fight it, and try to figure it out. If I could, I would shoot my current self. So that I can say goodbye and move into this new skin. Like a snake who slowly slides out of it's dryed up skin. I'm thinking things will be alright. More confidence in your fellow man, my friend.. that's all you need.

To anyone who has sat through this long and blabbering entry.. much love.

The opening guitar riff on "Wrecking Now" - Do the Collapse - Guided By Voices