Disconnected..

That's how I feel right now, disconnected. Today I learned a million things about myself, but I was humbled enough to keep it inside for once. A friend helped me understand where I'm at in life, and because of that I feel like the plug has finally been pulled out, and I can move on. I'll miss the light that lamp creates, but I guess I'll just see it from a different perspective. I've apologized enough, now it's ok for me to never feel sorry again.

Why the heck does anyone want to know all of this, Kevin? Why am I such a softy. Losing a friend mentally or physically can put a lot of stress on your heart, and I suppose all I really care about is the well being of my mind, instead of my physical body. Too many people are fixated on their outsides, but what really runs the car, is what's under the hood.

And to wrap this whole disconnection theme, I want to draw an analogy. Our bodies are made up of two parts.. the designer and the builder. The two are seperate, they both have their own agendas, and each one has its own seperate needs. If we focus too much on the design (the who's, how's, when's, where's) then we lose focus on the task at hand, and we say we're going to do things, but we don't. If we focus too much on the building (the doing, the creating, the accomplishing) then we tend to want to do too much at one time, and nothing ever gets organized.

I started looking into the future way too much, and I only made goals that pertained to the far off future. I thought that I would end up in certain situations, and I expected everything to already be there.. all neat and tucked away. But as I've been proven today, that isn't the case, and I need to disconnect myself with this little fairy tale life I sometimes dream about. A part of it contains a girl I will never be with again. I have to disconnect from it all. Which I think I've finally realized with happiness. In a sense I have a renewed respect for a lot of things, people in my life particularly, but mostly events that I cannot control, nor should I ever attempt to control them. I'm better now, thank you.